In the past few months I’ve been approached more than a handful of times by clients, friends and patients all suggesting that I should become a life coach. A life coach….me? sure, I have plenty of life experience. I definitely can relate when ones life is on a downward spiral and I most certainly can see red flags and weed through the bullshit but honestly do I have the ability and patience to help guide someone through their life and their own chaos while maintaining an emphatic heart?
I remember when I was a little girl sitting along side my mother watching Marlena on Days of Our Lives, I wanted to be just like her helping others sift through their troubles, years later when I was in my teens and had a few sessions with a therapist I knew just from my first session that I without a doubt wanted to be better than the son of a bitch who was sitting across from me telling me what an awful child I was.
But life happens and that road was never traveled.
I have a story. I have many stories actually….. tales of hardship, heart break, dealing with the three D’s darkness, depression and divorce. I have stories of strength and finding my true authentic self while wading through old wounds, inner demons and fear. I have tales of triumph and just fucking making it but is that enough? Do I have the ability to listen and be emphatic? Many say yes while I shoot them a condescending look.
I’ve realized most recently that my patience has an expiration date and that’s about five years. Earlier this month I snapped at a very dear friend, my patience had run out in regards to a topic that she so desperately clung onto for over five years. In the past I’d listen, offer wisdom and sometimes I’d offer kick ass – no bullshit advice but this time, this time I told her that I was getting off the roller coaster and leaving the amusement park regarding this topic. I couldn’t hear anymore about this person she so desperately missed. It was borderline obsessive and toxic. What frustrated me the most was that everything I had said seemed to fall on deaf ears but it just wasn’t me…….it seemed that the tools she was learning from therapy or books she read would inspire her for a brief moment but the memory of this man kept taking her under. Enough was enough for her and I. It was then that I set some very solid boundaries.
Did I feel bad afterwards, of course. Did I feel like a complete douche bag when I realized that I just laid into her on her birthday that I fucking forgot, yes …totally one hundred and one percent. But I couldn’t take it back, I didn’t want to. I meant everything that I had said and going back and changing my tone or my words would give less validity to everything that I had said.
She told me this morning that she needed to hear everything that I had said in order for her to move forward in the next chapter of her life. It had to come from me, no one else and that I had the guts to do it. Yes, I was harsh and yes I hurt her feelings but she saw that I had to do it.
From my research on life coaching I’ve found that I couldn’t tell someone to get off the roller coaster, or that their actions are toxic. I have to offer a safe space for them to just be. I have to listen and show empathy…..which I can do, to a point. The one misconception I had was that if you’re a life coach than shouldn’t your life be somewhat on point but I soon realized how unfair that assumption was. We are human, we have shitty crappy days and life happens.
It’s like when I get push back from people about me living a more spiritual, holistic lifestyle but write what I write or how I am vocal about my stance on boundaries and living a less toxic lifestyle. Yes, I’m a Reiki Master but that doesn’t mean that I can’t cuss or have bad days……what it means is that I am human but from all that I’ve learned through my journey on becoming a Reiki Master is that I will continue to be resilient, to honor my voice, to fully see when I need to check my behavior, to continue to heal, to live life to the fullest while maintaining healthy boundaries and to live life the best way that I can.
In all truthfulness, I think I will place life coaching on the shelf for right now. I have so much on my plate at the moment with working seventy hours a week, taking an online course in anatomy, completing my novel and still seeing Reiki clients.
Maybe one day……..but for now I love my journey at the moment.
I’m finally fulfilled and I did it.
No one else.