Finding harmony amongst the pain.

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There’s absolutely no set time on how long it takes to mend a broken heart and there’s definitely no time frame on when your mind must forget about the one person who turned your world upside down.

There are so many of us who constantly beat ourselves up because our mind drifts to that one particular person on a daily basis. Some even going to dangerous lengths to numb themselves from the constant turmoil that is currently on going in their mind, just because at one point in their life they were told to, “Just get over it.”

Who the hell are they to tell you to “Just get over it.”

Remember, this is your life, your heart, your mind.

Think about it, have you ever been so in love with a person that when the relationship ends your mind does everything it can to hold onto the memory of him/her while your heart starts building that huge wall around it for protection but your mind…..your mind is determined to hold on to those memories with a iron grip.

That love that shook you to the core

There is only one person that has ever shaken me to my core. I’m not saying that the others that I have been involved with never made an impression on my heart, they did….. but they never came close to this one man.
As much as I wanted to forget about him my mind and heart stubbornly held their stance and ignored my tears, prayers and negotiations with my self. After time I knew that I had to find a way to live in harmony with the person that I am now and the memories of a man who captured my heart in a way that no one else had.

**for clarification this was not the wasbands**

Living in harmony with the memories

But I can’t stop thinking of him. It’s embarrassing to admit, but why can’t I just stop thinking of him?” a client asked me recently as tears fell down her face. It had been five years but the ghost of this man who shut the door to their relationship still haunted her on a daily basis. I understood her pain all too well.

The only way I was able to live my life in harmony after this great love and I had gone our separate ways was to first acknowledge the pain, the agony and confusion of the loss of such a beautiful person and to understand that the pain didn’t own me nor was I bound by the story of my pain.

But before tackling that beast, I had to see him and the memories as a blessing. I no longer harbored any hate towards him, the why behind his choice had run its course years ago and the need for answers was no longer important.

This man unbeknownst to him was the catalyst to my spiritual transformation. Our energies merged upon first sight awakening a part of us that had been asleep for many lifetimes. Once our souls recognized each other than our dance began. Together, we propelled one another into a deep self discovery, we purged what didn’t serve us and within that we learned the gift of empathy, humility and unconditional love. We acknowledged and loved every aspect of each other, even our fractured parts hidden deep within our soul.

Now, when a thought of him passes through my mind, I acknowledge it and give thanks to Source/Universe/God for allowing this person to be placed in my life at that particular time. It’s better for me to see him with love than hate and with that I’ve learned that I can comfortably live in harmony with those fleeting (but oh so beautiful) memories of this remarkable kind soul.

It’s deeper than you realize

I’ll be honest with you, we can only ignore the pain from old traumas, forbidden or lost loves for so long before emotions of the past start to bubble up and effect us in very unhealthy ways. But it’s when we acknowledge that pain and know that we have a choice to discover where exactly the pain stems from that the healing can truly begin.

For myself, this was difficult. I didn’t want to relive the pain. I was in a good place to now muck it up with tears and waking up the demons that I had put to sleep long ago, but I’ve been on a journey of healing old wounds so what did I have to lose?

I started by diving head first into the pain, this is similar to mirror work/shadow work.

First, state the why behind the pain.

examples:

  • I’m angry because he turned his back on me.
  • He told me that he loved me and that I was his heart, his home but then abandoned me.
  • He broke his promise.

Then, flip it and direct it towards you.

  • I’m angry that I turned my back on myself.
  • I abandoned myself.
  • I broke my promise to myself.

At first, I thought this exercise was the stupidest thing I had ever heard of but I was still in a place of ego. Once you come from a place of truth and ego doesn’t pop in then you will be able to see the pain from a different perspective.

When I allowed the feelings of abandonment to take over I began to acknowledge it and also focus on when these feelings were present in other relationships such as ex spouses, lovers, family and friends.

In doing so, it brought me to discover feelings and memories of abandonment which made me recognize that this pain and the actions of others does not in anyway define the person that I am today.

Honestly, there were times that I chose to stay in the darkness of all that pain. In some aspect I felt that I deserved to live my life in the depths of despair but somewhere between bathing in depression and discovering the beauty of life I battled my demons head on and in doing so, I grew stronger and began to live a no chaos lifestyle.

And you totally can too.

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15 thoughts on “Finding harmony amongst the pain.

    • Mystical Surrender says:

      Hi Kendra,
      Honestly it took me months to finally come from a place of authentic truth. Haha, I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I didn’t leave me or abandon me…..but after I paused for a bit, I actually did see how I was wrapped up in the pain for so long that I did forget about myself.

      Like

  1. APRIL KEY RODE says:

    Beautifully written and glad you find your way too! What you stated here is true! When we’re hurt we tend to withdraw and think it is the best for ourselves but I am happy for you you’re able to get out of that feeling too! Love it! Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mind and Love says:

    This is a beautifully written post! Well done! I think many people will relate to this type of suffering; including myself. My heart break lasted a year, but I remember the constant ruminating in hindsight; the constant brutal self critic that was operating in the background of my existence.

    What changed everything for me was reading books on mindful self compassion. I finally became aware of the amazingly cruel dialogue I was having with myself and connected it with my emotional state. Just the awareness itself was enough to stop the rumination in its tracks; so it wouldn’t spiral.

    Love this post!

    Roger
    Mind and Love

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mystical Surrender says:

      Roger,
      I also read many books on the subject of the mind, wellness, oneness, owning your shit (for better words) and mindfulness. I found that Gabrielle Bernsteins Judgement Detox helped a great detail. I love all that she has written but that book kicked my ass…. and still does.

      But while I incorporated a lot of reading, I also found myself loving the healing aspects of Reiki.

      What books did you read that you felt helped tremendously and continue to go back to?

      Thanks for stopping by,
      Jolene

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mind and Love says:

        That’s awesome! I will definitely add Judgement Detox to my list. Love reading those types of books that, for better or worse, fit in the self help category.

        For relationships, We by Robert A. Johnson was a real eye opener.

        For self compassion and dealing with difficult emotions, Self Compassion by Kristin Neff really helped.

        Recently, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza rocked my world.

        The latter two have roots in meditation. I don’t have much experience with Reiki yet but have heard that it can very helpful.

        Thanks for sharing!

        Roger

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Tara Brown says:

    This is so beautiful and inspiring. It’s true, I feel that once we see things from a different perspective rather than from a place of hate, we’re finally able to find peace within ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

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