Many of us fear reflecting on those parts of ourselves that we have tucked in the dark corners of our mind, body and soul. To be honest three years ago I made the choice to take the journey inwards, to find my voice, to face my fears and to teach myself the importance of self love as well as squashing those self sabotaging behaviors that I found myself always surrendering to. Most importantly I was on a quest to find peace.
To face the darkness and to conquer those demons that lurked behind my fears I had to go at them alone. I was often reminded of those old tales with mighty warriors. They were brave and knew what needed to be done. Sure, they may have had a few fellow warriors standing beside them but ultimately it was their choice to take the step into the darkness. As for myself, very few knew what was truly going on three and a half years ago but those that knew were those that I trusted – with my life. With courage I picked up my sword and with faith I walked into the darkness.
Eventually, I no longer walked with my head hanging low. I kindly replied back to passing strangers “Hellos”. I welcomed the silence and turned my head at incoming chaos. I found my voice again and in doing so rid the shame and judgement of secrets that I carried for decades. I learned to believe in me again.
After all we are just souls having a human experience.
It has been my choice to stay single for the past three years, to live my life in harmony with the life that I built by myself. I’m not opposed to love, like I once was. I have since made amends with what I thought love was supposed to be and embraced the true meaning of it. This was done with the help of Reiki and many hours, days, months and years of going inwards. Healing takes time and one will never fully be completely healed because there are just so many aspects of oneself. When I truly started listening to my own souls DNA and honored not only my current journey but the other parts of me who walked this earth before me. I honored them by embracing their story, their pain, their lessons and in doing so I found clarity among it all.
I’m not the same person I was three years ago.
I have learned to fill my own voids. I don’t require someone else to do that. I will not fill my time with empty relationships or find my worth behind someone else’s idle phrases. I’m at peace with where I am in my life but if love comes my way it will be authentic and true. It will be free of judgment and conditions. He won’t hide behind fear or coward like behavior. I know my worth and what I’m truly deserving of. This person will just be an extension of my life not…….my life. Until then, I’m living the way I want to – Alone.
I just want to see all of you be brave. Now go pick up your sword and go into the darkness with courage and faith. You fucking got this.