Moving forward from D-Day

D-day.

That’s the term the betrayed community uses to reference the day all hell broke loose within their marriage, the lies and deceit lay open to be picked apart, analyzed and dissected until there is nothing left but two emotionally drained souls.

1 year, 5 months, 3 days and 15 seconds or 3 years, 4 months, 2 days and 45 seconds ….. some really go the distance to track the moment the deceit was uncovered. I have often wondered if the betrayed has a timer on their phone tracking the very hour but does the clock restart every time their spouse slips up? but in all seriousness ….. why do you need a damn anniversary to remind you of the day life turned to shit? Are you two going to get all dressed up, head to a fancy restaurant and clink your glasses to the promise of another year of your significant other being able to keep their pants on?

I understand the significance behind the term, but why that name? why not something else because when I hear or see the term D-Day I think of June 6, 1944 during World War II when Allied forces invaded northern France on the beaches in Normandy. Are we as the betrayed saying that the other woman or other man is as significant as that moment in time? I think not. Sure, there was an invasion but it takes two people to cheat, not one. Remember that. I’m surprised how spouses just let the guilty husband or wife off so easy and continue to chastise and destroy the other person. Do I have to remind you that your beloveded wasn’t forced to cheat…..they did it willingly. WILLINGLY. In that moment when lines were crossed YOU didn’t exist. You, the person who washes their soiled underwear, you…the person who scrapes the ice off their window in -15 weather so that they don’t have to.

Often when I come across blogs or even tweets that highlight the day that shook up their life somewhere within their statement they talk about moving forward yet they hang on tightly to the day of deception like it was a flotation device saving them from drowning. If one is truly ready to move forward, one has to let go of the reminder of that day. I know it’s easier to hang on to the hate, anger and leverage………..yes, leverage. How many of you have used your partners deception against them after you agreed to move forward?

How dare you watch that game on t.v…….you promised to spend time with me, remember……you’re the one who cheated.

You can’t disagree with me, you cheated …remember?

We are going to my families house for the holidays, don’t argue….remember you’re the one who cheated.

Moving forward is moving forward. Forgiveness is forgiveness.

These communities should encourage growth and ways to move past the hurt not jump on the bandwagon and fuel the hate and anger. The hurt will linger there is no set expiration date but healing happens when you truly want to heal.

Remove yourself from groups that fuel your hate and anger. That’s toxic.

Deactivate your spy account on twitter, facebook and instagram. You don’t need to stalk the other woman, other man or your partner. That’s toxic.

Go to counseling. Yes, you weren’t the one that did the deed but learning some healthy tools to get you through some tough days is being proactive.

But, if you can’t move past the hate, anger or deception and years have passed then you have to look within. If you can’t truly reconcile with your spouse than it would probably be better for you two to go your separate ways. Stop playing the Martyr to your marriage. You do have a choice.

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