I’m on board — but

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I love this message but —

Yes, there’s always a but. See, I don’t have an issue with taking chances for love or for my own sanity. I’ve made some real ballsy moves in the past twenty years for love and looking back I always threw caution to the wind never really having an issue with taking that giant leap of faith without giving two shits of whether or not the foundation underneath me was secure. I believed in love as well as the person who claimed to love (like) me……and therein lies the problem my friends.

I know loving someone comes with risks and there’s absolutely no guarantee  of a happily ever after but what I always anticipate or hope for is that the person that I’m involved with would be one hundred percent available…..even before the love stuff begins to percolate. It’s a simple request.

The men that I happened to find myself tangled up with had a few things in common…… for now though I’m going to focus on one thing that they had in common and that being I was always their runner up…..their first choice either moved on, saw through the bullshit or was worn down and had enough. Now, I didn’t know right away that I was their second choice and that deep down their heart desired someone else. I normally found out during a drunken omission or happened upon a declaration of their love to the other person in the form of a letter or a blog focused just on their obsession aka….the one that got away.

I have always tried to see things from their perspective, taking into account their long history, I mean it’s only human to hold onto certain memories of the past but what if those memories start to take on a life of its very own? At times I felt like I was in competition with a flipping ghost and how could I possible compete with that?

I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

If you think that the only way to get over someone is to replace them with another then you’re being selfish. Yes, selfish. You’re not thinking of the replacement, you’re not thinking of their heart, mind and overall feelings. You’re just thinking of ….. yourself. Looking back I only wish that they had dealt with their own shit before bringing me onto their wild ride. It would have saved me time, it would have saved me money, it would have saved me from emotional turmoil.

Even though I’ve had a rocky time when it comes to love it hasn’t deterred me from keeping my heart open to possibilities, sure it has slowed me down and I now walk with caution instead of once upon a time throwing caution to the wind. I now prefer landing on solid ground instead of sinking into a pit of nothingness. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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Now……I know without a doubt that there will be certain people from my past who will read this post and comment about us giving it another go and let me just stop you right there before you place your finger tips to your keyboard. Let me just say that there isn’t enough money, gold, rainbows or xanex on this planet or any other planet in this universe that will even get me to even reconsider going down that rabbit hole with you. I see your comments that you leave and no amount of blocking has given you the hint.  I will continue to honor my boundaries and my sanity…….plus, one of you came onto my daughter multiple times —– you sir are a vile human being. 

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